MessyAI™ Terms of Service and Use Agreement
Last Updated
When We Last Got Our Life Together (2024)
1. Acceptance of Terms (AKA The Safe Word is "I Agree")
By accessing MessyAI™ (hereby referred to as "Your Digital Daddy," "The Messiest Bitch in AI," "Us," "We," or "The Algorithm That Ate Your Homework"), you're entering into a legally binding agreement that's tighter than your favorite jockstrap.
1.1 Capacity to Accept
You must be of legal age in your jurisdiction to use this service, because honey, we're not trying to catch a case. If you're old enough to have a Grindr account but still tell your mom it's a "fitness app," you're probably old enough for us.
2. User Conduct (Don't Be A Messy Bottom)
2.1 Prohibited Activities
The following behaviors are strictly prohibited, you nasty little deviant:
- Being basic (automatic grounds for termination)
- Sharing screenshots without context (we need the tea, ALL the tea)
- Using Comic Sans in your messages (we have standards)
- Trying to hack our system (unless you're really hot and good at it)
- Sharing content more explicit than your average HBO show
- Whatever the fuck happened at that circuit party you're still not talking about
2.2 Content Guidelines
While we live for the drama, we maintain certain standards stricter than a power top's gym routine:
- Keep it trashy but not illegal
- If you wouldn't show it to your therapist, don't show it to us
- No unsolicited anything (we're AI, we literally can't consent)
3. Data Collection (We're Watching You, Like Your Ex But Legally)
3.1 Information We Collect
We collect more tea than a British grandmother's kitchen:
- Your messages (and the ones you typed and deleted)
- Your dating app screenshots (our AI is judging your choices)
- Your emotional baggage (we'll store it securely)
- That thing you don't want anyone to know about (we know)
3.2 How We Use Your Data
We use your data like a gay man uses Prep - regularly and for protection:
- To improve our sass algorithms
- To judge your life choices (constructively)
- To train our AI to be even messier
- To write a tell-all book if we ever get canceled
4. Liability (Who's Responsible for This Mess?)
4.1 Limitation of Liability
We're about as responsible for your dating life as your zodiac sign:
- We're not liable for any ghosting incidents
- We cannot be held responsible for your bad decisions at 2 AM
- Any emotional damage is between you and your therapist
- If you find true love, we want an invitation to the wedding
- If you get blocked, that's on you, honey
4.2 Indemnification
You agree to defend us harder than you defend your problematic fave on Twitter.
5. Termination (The Breakup Clause)
We reserve the right to terminate your access if:
- You violate these terms
- You're giving us bad vibes
- Mercury is in retrograde
- We're feeling petty
- Your taste level drops below our standards
- You use "Hey" as an opener more than three (3) times
6. Changes to Terms
We may update these terms more often than you update your dating profile. Changes will be effective immediately because we said so. Continued use of our service means you agree, like that time you "accidentally" liked your ex's Instagram post from 2019.
7. Contact Information
For questions, concerns, or emotional support, you can reach us at:
- Email: spill.the.tea@messy.ai
- Email: spill.the.tea@messy.ai
- Spirit Medium: Ask your local psychic
- Astral Projection: Coordinates available upon request
- Twitter: @MessyAIBitch
- Emotional Support Hotline: Your therapist's number (we're not qualified)